Elevator Etiquette

Author & Speaker
Louise Bergmann DuMont
Author of Grace by the Cup: A Break From the Daily Grind
& Faith-Dipped Chocolate: Rich Encouragement to Sweeten Your Day

Elevator Etiquette
by Louise Bergmann DuMont

The lobster ravioli dripped with vodka sauce and the cappuccino came just the way I like it - topped with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg. My coworkers' conversations sidestepped usual office matters and turned to less pragmatic chatter after lunch.

"Even though there was no one else on the elevator, she stood right next to me -- and really close! I don't know why she didn't go to the other side of the empty elevator. It was as if she'd never heard of elevator etiquette!"

In case you've never heard of elevator etiquette, here is quick overview.

When the elevator door opens, those entering an empty elevator (like prizefighters reacting to the sound of the bell) must retreat to opposite corners. Elevator conversations are limited to: the weather, sports and "have a nice day." Should other individuals enter the elevator, those already on board may move closer together but space requirements must remain directly proportionate to the number of people confined to the area. Any breach of these rules leaves one or more of the participants uncomfortable and may provoke unnecessary violence.

There are thousands, perhaps millions, of everyday rules like, "Always wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident." I doubt very much that paramedics worry about a person's underwear when they tend a gunshot wound inflicted by a drive-by shooter. These and other unwritten laws pressed upon society left me wondering if such restrictions had a healthy purpose or if society shouldn't make an effort to set some of them aside.

Jesus kept the law of His day, but the priests shouted His alleged violations of it. More than once he healed on the Sabbath and picked grain to feed His disciples. The temple rules were broken (i.e. no healing/work on the Sabbath); but in truth, Jesus kept the law in its purest sense by honoring His father and tending to those put into His care.

Shortly after the "elevator incident" another social breach came to my attention. When a friend went through a difficult divorce, her parents nearly disowned her. They did not believe in divorce and held her responsible for the break-up even though it was her husband who left the marriage for another woman. My friend nearly broke apart from the isolation imposed by her family and church and bent under the burden of her husband's abandonment.

When we went out for dinner nearly a year afterward, she shared the poignant events of that day. It was her birthday and not a single person sent a card, offered congratulations or so much as mentioned the occasion. Bouts of weeping had her returning to the office ladies room most of the morning. By late afternoon panic and paranoia rose to meet her. Loneliness whispered that she was unloved and fear shouted her that it would last forever.

Frantic to get connect to another human, she started a conversation with the woman sitting next to her on the bus. After what seemed to be a pleasant chat, my friend impulsively asked if woman would join her for a cup of coffee when they got off at the next stop. It was her birthday. Better to spend it with a stranger and pretend to have friends than to go home to an empty apartment and cry yourself to sleep knowing that no one cares. But the social faux pax of asking a total stranger out for coffee abruptly ended their conversation. It was fine to talk about the weather but one didn't get "friendly" with a passerby on the bus.

My dinner companion laughed out loud when she described the panic on the face of woman, but sorrow tinged her laughter's gay ring. Looking into her eyes I felt the weight of her sadness. I was glad that I asked her to dinner that evening.

As we sipped our café lattes, I was able to see beyond her social blunder. There lay a beautiful but very lonely person -- trapped by circumstances out of her control. People who are desperate to get close to someone - if only for a moment - are all around us.

There are social norms that we all should not cross, but it would be wise for us to ask "why" we do things rather than simply admonish ourselves or others for breaking society's rules. A healing touch, a comforting word or allowing a lonely stranger to invade our elevator space… can go a long way to make the world a softer place to land.